“Morning is when I awake and there is a dawn in me...We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep.” - Thoreau, Walden
Ever since launching ‘Wildness and Wellness’ into the world last week I have been noticing my fears surfacing. That small but potentially powerful voice that rears its head at such times to tell me I’m not good enough, pre-empting and waiting for the external criticism and judgement to follow. (Totally unfounded as it turns out ... so far!). If I say it first, no one can hurt me. I have the same fears every time I press publish on this blog. These are such limiting thoughts, and no longer will I listen to them. Well, I hear them because they are already here, but I recognise them and I will not let them dictate how I then act or allow them their power.
I woke up this morning. First thought: I haven’t had enough sleep. This could easily spiral into thinking how unprepared I am for the day, how I will have a much worse day now and so on, which in turn could lead to a self fulfilling prophesy. We can find ourselves at constant crossroads of thought, if we notice we are there at the stop sign and not just blunder across and down a road we haven’t consciously chosen. I could also often find myself saying that I don’t have enough money, there always seems to be something else to dip into my pocket for, another school trip or an unexpected bill. But when I actually examine this thought, I know that I am amongst the most affluent people walking this planet, I have a great deal of privilege and this can easily go unchecked in the lust for more, which could become all consuming in the western culture I live in.
Using my daily mindfulness practice, even if my first thought is ‘I haven’t had enough sleep’, my second thought can consciously be, ah but I am alive, third thought quickly follows radiating out into the darkness about me - thank you. I get to spend one more day on the earth with my friends and family doing what’s most important to me – and inevitably and obviously the stuff of life I’d probably choose not to do, or have to deal with, given a choice! It is a daily practice to build this life I love and my attitude towards it. What an amazing thought it is that I can choose how I respond. There is freedom there.
If I stop looking in the direction of more, I turn around and face what I already have and wowsers, there is an incredibly vast stash of good things there. So for all the frustration, pain and discomfort in my life, I am grateful to wake up in the morning, to hear my family and know that I am loved and that I love. Thankful to be able to get out of bed unaided. For fresh water at my bedside and as much as I could ever need in the tap about 8 metres away. My iPhone for my meditation app or to connect me with the world (a life line when I spent so much time home alone, ill and in pain). Light and warmth at a switch, a kettle at a click to brew that early morning cup (or two!) of tea. Clothes to put on and a coat and shoes – not just one pair either I have a choice (now I’m really bragging). A beautiful green view when I open the curtains. An array of healthy breakfast choices and food on the table for me and mine. I am thankful to the people that have made this food for me and the services needed to deliver it. All of this before I have even left the house in the morning. I look and marvel at the vast splendour of my wealth. I am deeply grateful.
My crossroad of choices: I am not good enough. I am enough.
I don’t have enough. I have everything that I need.
“What we appreciate, appreciates.” – Lynne Twist
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